told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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