He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize