Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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