I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
