Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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