Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
