I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Found your dick twin last night
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
