We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
