..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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