I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize