just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
