I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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