Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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