i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
