I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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