dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
