maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
