did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
