Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
