Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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