I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
