please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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