Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
