she is the kim kardashian of front butts
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
