Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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