If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
