I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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