my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
