mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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