i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
