So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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