Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
