yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
