I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
