New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
