all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize