I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
