wat bout pragnant strippers??
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
