My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
