My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
