he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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