he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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