I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
