it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
