hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
two words: eviction party
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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