At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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