I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
