Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
