she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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