i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
