No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
