we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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