In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
