Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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