I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
