really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
