The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
too bad you live with your parents still
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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