if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
