I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
