ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize