They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize