idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
