The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
