She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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