I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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