M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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