she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
