When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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