her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
