I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
