literally had 100 drinks last night.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
