why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Too much gin, very little bucket
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
