Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
