Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
