My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Randomize
