Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
