is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My ass is underappreciated
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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