my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize